The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You took a bar mat shot.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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