I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
