shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
