You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize