shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
there is puke in my bra ... again
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
