Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm at about main and main street
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
