when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
