The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
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I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
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I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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