she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
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You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
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Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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