Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
