omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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