I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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