At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
