did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
