its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
