There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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