im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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