OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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