Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
