Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
