Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
