i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This baby is an asshole
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
there is puke in my bra ... again
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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