omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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