Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
they need to just BURY HIM!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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