Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
