Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
