You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
