Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
