Already got asked if we're dating
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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