shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
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my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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