I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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