If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
