Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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