Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
