Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
