She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
