you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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