Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Randomize
