ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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