I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
