where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
