I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
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nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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