look no pants
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize