Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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