Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Can you bring me the toilet please
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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