respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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