I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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