My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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