I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She told me I should be a condom model.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
