I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
