guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
