FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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