i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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