please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Drake has all the answers
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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