Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
