Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
