No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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