fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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