For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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