Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
