My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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