I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
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You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
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The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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