I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
