I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
