The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I could make wine with my vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize