Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
