**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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