another moral hangover. fuck.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
