Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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