Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
