You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Someone signed my nipple.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
