the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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