Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
